So You Think I Can't Ruin...Tacos

Twice, no less.

ATTEMPT ONE:

This was not my fault. Nowhere on the instructions does it say to defrost the frozen-solid mince rock before throwing the entire thing in the pan! Results as expected.

ATTEMPT TWO:
This was also not my fault. If I hadn't been using such a cheap, blunt knife, I wouldn't have slipped while cutting the tomatoes, imapaling myself. I then wouldn't have wasted fifteen minutes trying to staunch blood, while simultaneously trying to wash it off the lettuce, and I would have noticed the taco shells had been in the oven for ages and they wouldn't have caught fire.

It was the knife's fault.